Child Abuse

Recently, there is an article published in Straits Times, 26 May 2009, relating to child abuse. The abuser who plead guilty a year ago was sentenced to 12 months jail on Tuesday.

Child Abuser Jailed A Year

He abused his 2 year old daughter by dripping hot wax on her as well as clipping the toddler's nipples and private parts with clothes pegs. He then move on to hang her from the ceiling by tying her hands to one of his wife's night gown.

When I read this article, I was astonished to why a grown man who is able to think logically would perform such a violent action to his daughter. I wondered if sentencing him to 12 months jail would justify the amount of trauma he had implicated on his daughter. I felt very much disgusted by his actions and question why any father would abuse his daughter just because she wet herself. 

Furthermore, this 2 year old girl has urinary incontinence. Shouldn't the father then take up responsibility and be more patient towards his 2 year old daughter?

I would like to consider a reason which may lead to his violent action. Studies have linked touch deprivation to depression, alienation and violence. Could this be a reason to the violence which he has implied onto his daughter due to a lack of haptics when the father himself was young? 

Since haptics are a basic need to people because it gives us comfort and love. Therefore, when there is a lack of haptics in the father himself, it might have lead to him suffering from depression, causing him to become violent, thus abusing his daughter. 

However, does the possibility of the father being a victim himself gives him a reason to abuse his daughter? Perhaps the father was abusing his authority, domineering his position as a father and expressing his power in an unwanted manner since the 2 year old is in a helpless situation and was not able to stop the violence. Yet, the mother of this 2 year old was unable to help her vulnerable daughter when she witness this scene. Although the portion relating to the 2 year old's mother was not mention in depth, I assume that she was unable to stop this act of violence which lead to her decision to move out with her 4 children. 

In this context, haptics certainly do play an important role. Either in which the father may be deprived of touch or probably in the manner in which he was trying to express his power. I certainly hope that these negative haptics do not continue. Instead, parents should make use of touch to portray loving and comfort to their children. 

scripts to leaving a great impression on your date

Are first impressions important? Does it mean that a pretty face will tend to leave better impressions on others? The following article illustrates on the importance of leaving a good impression on your date as well as a script to looking good in order to have a higher chance for second and subsequent dates.

First Impressions: Look Good When Dating

I strongly agree that first impressions are usually long lasting. During the first 30 seconds upon meeting, one would start observing and speculating the character of the person. These impressions can immediately get someone interested to know you better or to shut down completely and not be bothered to understand you further. In addition, who wouldn't like to go out with someone who looks good? Would anyone like to go on a date with someone sloppy, 

unattractive and untidy?

This particular article list out on the things in which a guy should consider before turning up for his first date. It first talks about why one shouldn't turn up with sweatshirts or sports top even though it may be comfortable. Basically, it is important to make an effort in the attire you pick since it would show how sincere you are about the date. 

It then moves on to talk on the importance of shoes because the ladies would tend to zoom in and look at the pair of shoes their date has on him.

On personal experience, a guy once asked me out on a date at the movies. And when he turned up, I saw him in shorts, t-shirt and a pair running shoes. I felt a little embarrassed to walk beside him. I mean, I wasn't expected to head down to the gym with him on that day, neither were we going to join a marathon. I was not expecting him to dress in a suit. But probably a pair of jeans and a decent pair of shoes would be great. Furthermore, it was our first date. It was also our last date because it showed me how sincere he was on the date. So, I guess shoes do play an important role and for that pair of running shoes, it ruined my impression of him.

I do agree that it is important to feel comfortable in the attire you're in. Like how the article illustrates, it's likewise important to dress smart and casual. I think it's alright to be in a pair of jeans and a plain top. But preferably not in a crumpled and huge top which hangs loosely on your shoulders or torn and baggy jeans since it would portray to being sloppy and inattentive to details.

 

And moving on to a man with career, the article scripted down a long list on the things which a man should have in his wardrobe, such as:

1. a black, classic, single-breasted, good quality suit and the same in navy blue

2. a casual jacket and a collection of plain colored well-made cotton shirts

3. 3 pairs of good quality leathered shoes, in black and brown, and they should be modern and good condition

4. a good quality masculine watch

5. a good quality leather wallet, preferably in black and not stuffed with receipts

It continues that one should pay attention to his scent and smell good, like using aftershave or cologne. I agree that scent is really important. I don't think that it is necessary for one to drown in a strong or pungent fragrance to smell good. I just feel that it wouldn't be all that polite to reek of perspiration. Furthermore, people tend to be attracted to one's scent. And scent are usually one of the things which people remember, like the familiarity of the scent. 

I do understand that rarely do guys nowadays bother to dress up appropriately for dates. But I feel that this article is one-sided, where it refers to majority of man not knowing how to create good impressions on their dates. What about ladies? Do majority of the ladies dress appropriately for dates? 

I observed that many ladies nowadays do not know how to dress appropriately too. Walking down the streets, one can immediately notice girls who dress skimpily. I mean, dressing skimpily doesn't necessarily means sexy. I feel that even a demure lady can also show her attractiveness not by revealing her body but on how the clothes she wears hangs perfectly on her figure. While some females have no idea to the type of outfit they wear, others do not bother to have their hair neatly brushed, their eyebrows neatly trim or wear some basic make-up. I understand that it is great to look natural, thus, a simple lip gloss or the blusher and mascara will greatly help to bring out the facial features. 

Therefore, by practicing to dress appropriately for occasions, and in this case dates, it'd become a script to us since we would be so accustom to it such that we would no longer find it a chore but something which is effortless. We would then no longer feel uncomfortable at dates and wonder what impressions we leave on the other party since we clearly know that we have followed the script well and that we can expect to leave a great impression on our date.

Perceptions of Tattoos

I personally feel that our perceptions are shaped by the environment that we live in. This includes the friends and family around us, the culture in which we are exposed to as well as the society's acceptance.

I would like to "utter" about tattoos today. Basically, the perceptions of people having tattoos.

Firstly, Tattoos used to be perceived as individuals associated to gangs. Like in Japan, all yakuza members are marked with tattoos to depict their clan's crest.

Some yakuza members tattoo a black ring around their arm for each crime they have committed. Basically, these tattoos were a mark of strength and it marks them as a group of people who are unwilling to accommodate themselves into societies, rules and norms.

Although tattoos have now become mainstream in Japan, many onsen (Japanese baths places) and some capsule hotels still do not admit people with tattoos. They would often place a sign at their entrance to indicate that people with tattoos are not allowed to permit. This shows that these owners still continue to have a perception that whoever who is marked with tattoos are associated to being a yakuza member and they are afraid of having anything related to the yakuza.

Like the yakuza who marked their body with tattoos, many

tribes too has tattoos which act as a tribal identification.

In these tribes, tattoos are perceived to be a symbolism which marks a person's passage into adulthood. In some tribes, girls are expected to undergo tattooing because if a girl cannot endure the pain brought by tattooing, she is considered weak and cannot bear the pain of labour during child birth, thus, making her unmarriageable. On the other hand, if the boy cannot take the pain of tattooing, he would be considered a coward. He may then be segregated from the rest of the tribesman and will never be considered a warrior.

However, in modern days, tattoos are considered as a form of art. The tattoo may symbolise many different meanings. Some may represent as a memory of a love one, others just marks as an individual's love of art or even to distinguish himself/herself among others.

Although there are still societies who do not accept that tattoos are another form of expressing oneself, many societies have come to the fact that tattoos are no longer associated to being a part of a gang.

Shows such as Miami Ink, LA Ink and many others allows the society to learn that there are many individuals who inked themselves with tattoo because they want a permanant marking on their body to constantly remind them something. For example, in one episode, this father wanted a tattoo of his daughter on his chest because she who was diagnosed with a illness and he knew that she would depart the world before him. And so, he just wanted to leave a permanent mark on him to remind him of his beautiful daughter. The tattoo lives an image that his daughter is sleeping peacefully on his chest.

I hoped that these shows continue to influence the society and change the perceptions of many viewers that tattoos nowadays represent many different meanings and that it should no longer classify individuals with tattoos as a gang member.